Wednesday. The Year of Magical Thinking.

I'm reading Joan Didion's book "The Year of Magical Thinking." It follows her life after the sudden death of her husband, and an extended and life threatening (she got pneumonia, then sepsis, then she was "okay" and then she had a brain embolism) hospital stay by her daughter. Both of these events took place basically at the same time. Her daughter went into the hospital, five days later her husband died, her daughter was in the hospital for several more weeks, then she was out, then she was back in.

I can't even imagine.

Didion writes simply and eloquently about the day to day things that were affected after the death of her husband, and just how far reaching her grief was. She couldn't drive a certain route because it passed by an old house of theirs. She couldn't eat at the dinner table. She also, and very interestingly to me, writes and looks at grief as a medical condition, not solely as an emotional one. She quotes Freud and shares information from doctors; it's really something.

For anyone who's ever experienced grief (a.k.a everyone on the planet) I'm sure you know that you don't just feel sad, you are sad. It is all encompassing. You physically hurt. At this point in my life I've been very fortunate not to have lost anyone close to me because of death. I mean, my three of my four grandparents passed away, but I was much younger. My maternal grandma is alive and kicking at 91, both of my parents and my sister are still alive, and the other people I've loved have left my life of their/my own accord, so I can only speak to that kind of grief (the ending of relationships, romantic or otherwise), and I can say with 100 per cent certainty that it is sickening; it's terrible.

It's not just loss though. Tough decisions, uncomfortable situation, those illicit a physical response as well. There really is a mind/body connection that I think needs more attention.

This song, sort of in keeping with this post, is simultaneously sad and soothing to me. I think it's so so so beautiful. I picture water, snow, and the Northern Lights when I listen to it. This band is ruling my life right now.